Motivation.... there are motivational classes, books, business courses etc. and what is there objective. To help us find our motivation and stay motivated so we can better ourselves in any and all aspects of our lives. So what motivates you?
(This part comes from my thoughts after reading my cousins article) Imagine..... a fire, as deep as a car. You are on one side and something important to you is on the other. What is it? What would you walk through the fire for? Would it be for a million dollars? For your child who needed you? For that new car? What would you be willing to risk your life and possibly die for?
What would motivate you to cross the fire. It is probably different for each person. For me, I would walk through fire to protect my husband, children, friends, and family. I would do it to save them from being hurt or to protect them from suffering. I would do it if it would mean making their lives easier, or even save them in our Fathers Kingdom.
There are many things I would risk my life for but what it boils down to is happiness. Happiness for my loved ones, for my happiness.
Happiness is a great motivator.
Now that we know what motivates us, we can talk about truly changing our behavior so we can reach our goal of being happy and having those around us happy as well.
Lets talk about fairy tales for a moment.... we all know that boy meets girl, they have some sort of conflict and then they get through that and get married and live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER, Happiness is where we want to be right? Marriage should always be happy with no hurt feelings, peace all the time, Right? Wrong........We are not to that part of the story yet. We are still in the conflict part. Where life is hard and we struggle for those moments that are happy. Sometimes it is good, sometimes not so good. That is because Happily Every After doesn't come until we are in Heaven. Until we reach the end of this life and we have become perfected. That is when we reach the happily ever after. It is coming, but right now is the hard, conflict part of the story.
I have good news though...... We can have great moments of happiness here on earth. We can constantly change what we are doing so it betters our lives and our marriages.
A couple of years ago my husband was in an ATV accident. He broke a vertebrae in his neck and was in a neck brace and medicated for about 6 weeks. When he had healed we discovered something..... his strength and his arm strength wasn't there. We found out that there was a pinched nerve in his neck. A surgery and another 6 more weeks of healing. He was able to start the long process of getting his strength back. It took work and determination to get that muscles back to where it was. Strong and Healthy.
Most of you can understand that if you take time off of working out your body looses its strength. If you are a runner and run 5-6miles a day and you take a few weeks off you have to start again and build yourself back up to the higher miles again. We loose our muscle and strength fast and it needs our constant attention and care. My husband had to start over with his muscles too. It was long and hard, but with persistence he was able to gain his strength back.
The same things goes for our marriages, we need to constantly nourish them and strengthen them or they will become weak. The last part the story with my husbands neck is the hard part. During this time my husband was healing, it was a long hard process, he felt useless and hopeless and I was stretched very thin between kids, helping my husbands, regular tasks of the world, and also worrying about if this would effect his life in the military. It was a tedious time and very hard, we were in survival mode, but because of this we forgot an very important thing. Our marriage. Not long after these things happened we had a fight, we had not just any fight, but it was like WWIII was happening in our marriage. Luckily we were both committed to our marriage and got through it. After the fight, we came to realize that we had neglected one of the most important things, our marriage. We forgot to nourish it and take care of it, so we had to start again and rebuild.
As I give you some suggestions on how to strengthen your marriage, I hope and pray, that you can just take one thing and work on it. I promise you, even if your marriage is going great right, or if you are on the brinks of giving up. If you chose one thing to work on, your marriage will get better and you will be stronger for your efforts.
1. Think positively about your spouse. It is easy, with all the tasks we have in our lives, to focus on the things that aren't getting done. We focus on the things our spouse isn't doing, like folding the laundry, taking out the trash, filling the car with gas. We need to stop and think about the positive, think about the things that our spouse is doing for us. If we take the time to do this we will feel more positively about our spouse and our love for them will grow.
2. Give each other Compliments everyday. Often our daily tasks, like going to work, doing the dishes, fixing the meals, all become so routine that they go unnoticed. We need to appreciate what our spouse does for us on a daily basis and let them know that by complimenting them and saying thank you.
When we first were in the military my husband was in Security Forces and he was deployed, a lot. During this time I began to appreciate the things he did that I wouldn't notice. Like.....Taking out the trash, filling the car with Gas (which I hate to do), mowing the lawn, unclogging drains, and the worst was when I had to get rid of a dead mouse because he wasn't there to do it. We need to appreciate those things that our spouse does to help us and vocalize that to them,
3. Serve each other. Isn't it the best when you are gone and you come home to a clean house, or when you come home from work and dinner is done and your favorite dessert awaits you. Everyone likes feeling loved and cared for and that is what service does. If you appreciate service done for you, then why wouldn't your spouse appreciate it too. Do something today.
4. Spend time talking everyday. (I am going to say at least 10 min) Communication is a huge thing. I could write a talk on just that. Communication is probably the biggest problems in struggling marriages. I am a house wife, I have kids and I don't get a lot of adult contact during the day, so when me and my husband go to bed and it is dark with no other distractions, I talk, and I talk, and I talk. (I talk a lot during this time) I am sure it drives my husband crazy, but he always listens and lets me talk and I need that and I appreciate him for allowing me that time.
Lets talk about good communication, Listening. Active listening. When you are on the listening side of a conversation, try repeating back what you heard the other person say. Sometimes we interpret things differently then the way they are meant. So repeating it helps them to clarify anything that was lost in translation. Listening is an important part of communication. Don't just check out of the conversation, but pay attention show your spouse you care about what is on there mind.
On the other side of things, the talking part. Most people don't struggle with this part, but I just want to say one thing about it. Let your spouse in. I know it is hard to let your guard down and allow yourself to be vulnerable. You may just care about your spouse and don't want to add anything more to their plate, but they want to know. They want to be there to support you through your trials and burdens as well. So let them in and share with them the good and bad things in your life.
How many of you have had this happen to you..... Your climb in the car to go to dinner, your spouse asks "what do you want for dinner?" You say "I don't care, anywhere is fine?" (but really your craving Italian food} Your spouse then proceeds to the nearest burger joint. You huff under your breath, then your spouse replies with "what is wrong now?" and now you are in a little quarrel. Sound at all familiar?
We need to communicate better. When you want something don't be afraid to speak up and say it. If you have an opinion state it, nicely of course. If you have an opinion state it, or be willing to let it go if your not willing to say what you want or need.
Women tend to do this more than men, (at least what I have seen) but we want our spouses to be mind readers. Then we get mad when they aren't. We set them up for failure and then get mad. Be honest, and don't be afraid to ask for something. Ask them to take the trash out, ask for a back rub. It will get rid of a lot of heartache, and most of the time your spouse is happy to oblige. After all they do love you and want you to be happy, sometimes they just don't know what is needed or wanted.
6. Help each other at the end of the day. Both of you have worked hard all day, either with kids, or laundry or at your job (whatever that may be) you are both tired by the end of the day. So help each other out with the end of the day tasks of bedtime and cleaning up dinner.
I read an article this week by one of the apostles and this is what he said "Your children seeing you work together will teach your daughters and sons how to be good mothers and fathers, good husbands and good wives when they grow up" Now, isn't our goal to have our children be outstanding people. Here is a promise from an apostle. .
7. Be supportive throughout the day. It is important for both of you to be able to know you can go to the other to help with the burdens of the day. Dave and I frequently talk during the day. It is because when something goes wrong and I have a moment of stress. (no matter how big or how small) I turn to him. I know he will be there supporting me through all of the little complaints and struggles I may face. We also share our successes both are important. text, call, video chat. Just be there for one another.
8. Be courteous everyday to all family members. I read this story about a young boy and I felt impressed to share it.
"when I was bout 8 or 9, my mom liked to cook food and every now and then I would remember a meal that she cooked.
One night that stood out in my mind is when she had made dinner for us after a very long and rough day at work. She placed a plate of jam and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. Not slightly burnt, but completely blackened toast.
I was just waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt toast and say anything. But Dad just ate his toast and asked me if I did my homework and how my day was. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing mom apologizing to dad for burning the toast. And I'll never forget what he said:
"Sweetie, I love burned toast."
Later that night, I went to tell my dad good night and I asked him if he really liked his toast burned. He put his arm on my shoulder and said,
"Your momma put in a very long day at work today and she was very tired. And besides, A burnt toast never hurts anyone, but you know what does? HARSH WORDS!"
he continued to say "You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like every other human. What I've learned over the years, is that learning to accept each others fault and choosing to celebrate each other's differences, is one of the most important key for creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don't" "
Nagging, name calling, and losing your temper only bring you farther apart. Be a mature person who is courteous to others--- especially to those you love most.
9. FORGIVE. Forgive daily. It is truly difficult to love someone when you have a grudge against them.
The lord commanded us to forgive and to seek not revenge (D&C 31:9) We need to forgive even when forgiveness isn't asked for. Sometime our spouse may hurt us, they may not ever ask for forgiveness, they may not think they did anything wrong. We need to forgive them anyways. Holding on to a grudge it hurting you and hurting your marriage. If it needs to be talked about then uses communication and love to resolve it. Just remember to forgive.
10. Pray together daily. In giving advice my aunt said this "Say your prayers together, take turns making them thankful prayers-- verbalize what you are thankful for in the other person--being grateful is a powerful blessing" and will bring you closer to your spouse and to the Lord.
Pray for your spouse, be grateful for the blessing that God has given you them to help you through this difficult life.
11. Laugh, Laugh a lot. Laugh at the little things. Tease each other, joke around. I know life can be stressful, but relax and enjoy. You will be happier, your spouse will be happier and you will grow closer together. It can be really fun to be married. I know on the days that I push away my stress and focus on laughing and teasing, my days seem happier and brighter. Laugh and Laugh often.
All I ask, is that you choose something. Something you can work on. I promise you as you take one thing and apply it into your life your marriage will be strengthened. If you truly work daily at your marriage your love for each other will grow and you will have a greater appreciation for one another. You will be able to get through this life together happily, until you reach your HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
I want to end my talk with words from the song "I know my father lives", but as I read I want you to think about another son, or daughter, that God has so graciously given to you. Your spouse.
"They live to bless me with their love
They live to plead for me above
They live my hungry soul to feed
They live to bless in time of need.
They live to comfort me when faint.
They live to hear my souls complaint
They live to silence all my fears
They live to wipe away my tears
They live to calm my troubled heart.
They live all blessings to impart
He lives my kind wise, Heavenly friend
He live and loves me to the end
He lives and while he lives I'll sing
He lives my........King
He lives my mansion to prepare,
He lives to bring me safely there.
I am so grateful to my father in Heaven. That he has given me such a wonderful companion. Who loves me and listens, and wipes away my tears. He is my king who is right by my side as we prepare to return to live with our Father in Heaven and our dear Brother Jesus Christ. I hope and pray that the spirit has touched your heart in such a way that you can get one step closer to God and your spouse.
In the name of Jesus Christ. AMEN
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